Burger Killer Destroyer Eater Rater

11 Aug Burger Killer Destroyer Eater Rater

Me, the eater...



I am on a mission to find the best burger in the city of Los Angeles.  Wait, NO, I want to find the best burger in the world.  I am assuming it will be in America but if anyone knows of one in another country that can hold its own then please let me know.  Here is the way this is gonna to work.  I should have taken photos of the first four that I ate, but I didn’t decide to do this until yesterday and it’s too late.  You will just have to trust me.

I usually eat pretty healthy.  I try to keep in pretty good shape.  But once a week it’s like the “cheat” day.  Chicks use this more than dudes, but hey, what can I say?  Burger day is my cheat day.  I started this little thing about a month ago and it will probably take me until 2015 to come up with a final decision but here it goes.  Rating scale will be out of 10.  I am going to start with the burger I know best and rate from there.  Note: I just had to adjust the scale to have fourths of a point.  This is getting too difficult after only four ratings.  Please send me your thoughts on the best burger in town.  It will help my research on where to go next!!

The Counter

I went to this place a few years back and thought it was pretty hot.  I had to revisit.  Old burger memories don’t matter for this excursion.  I need fresh.

Does anyone remember salad bars in high school or college?  A whole mess of shit you load on your lettuce to make the salad taste OK.  That’s what The Counter is.  A salad bar for hamburgers.  I can’t even tell you what the burger tastes like.  I loaded so much shit on it all I tasted were the toppings.  Guacamole, blue cheese, bacon, jalapenos, sauces I don’t recall, and a wheat bun for health reasons. 😉

It was not like I remembered.  Good thing, you can put anything you want to on your slab of shitty meat.  Bad thing, that’s all you taste.  It was not like I remember.  Maybe because I have been eating gourmet burgers.  Who the hell knows?  Check it for yourself if you want.  it is sort of fast food so you won’t waste too much time.


Hal’s Bar and Grill

This fine little joint is in the heart of Venice.  Right on Abbott Kinney, the “cool” street in the neighborhood.  Lot’s of art and food on this street, first Fridays, and mad crazy food trucks.  Hal’s is known for its Jazz nights.  Probably the only place around there to hear good Jazz.  Sundays and Mondays I believe.  Someone had told me over and over, “You have to get the turkey burger! It’s so good!”

So I did.  I have.  Guess how many times?  Four friggin’ times.  Every single time I fall off this wagon that I ride on, I go to Hal’s.  I scarf down this little, awesome, taste real good at the time, turkey burger.  Every single time I try to explain what it was like, I can’t remember.  I think for me to keep going back it would have to be pretty good.  At least subconsciously I wouldn’t go back if it was a piece of garbage.

So the fifth time should be the charm.  For now I give it a…four times visited, well deserved…


Fraiche – Truffle Burger

All I can say is holy motha’ f#$%ing WOW!  This thing is off the chart!  I was taken on a date to this place a little while back and it really deserved to be written about that evening.  Like I always say, time can get in the way.  BUT, a few weeks later and I do not take it back.  This place was unreal.  It is Santa Monica near the beach.  A nice place, upscale, but cool.  The owner was awesome!  He was French and kept coming up to ud saying all types of crazy stuff and pouring my date champagne, bottomless.

Anyways, the burger had caramelized onions and truffles and some sort of cheese I can’t recall.  Truffles must be the magic fruit.  This thing was bananas.  A flavor explosion in my mouth.  It’s best on the list for sure.

They have a great happy hour in the bar too!  Ask for the owner, you must say hello!


Baby Blues BBQ – Lasker Burger

Long before I ever worked at Baby Blues BBQ I would go there for their burger.  The two locations do it differently.  The OG is at the Venice location.  It is a burger stuffed during prep with blue cheese and bacon and covered with a Lincolnberry mustard.  Now I hate mustard.  But there is something Lincolnberry.  Maybe it is the color, cuz it’s red, or the spiciness, but I actually have learned to love it.  It comes on a ciabatta roll and it’s “amazing”.  Yup, I used the word that I hate that people use.  A-M-A-Z-I-N-G.  That’s how I start my scale.  The West Hollywood location does it a little different cuz it has a different bun but it is still bomb diggity.  I would give this a 10 but I need room to find the best one on the planet.  It gets an 8.5.  “like” it on Facebook.  They are my peeps.


Father’s Office – Burger

This place only does it one way.  No substitutions, no toppings, not even f#$%ing ketchup.  You get this creamy blue cheese dressing to sop on everything.  This burger is supposed to be the best around town.  It has been six years and I finally made it into this place.  The actual bar/restaurant is dope.  They have mad beers.  All types of beers.  IPA’s that will knock your socks off.  It is in Santa Monica on the north end, off Montana.  Cool, nice little spot and great vibe but you have to probably wait for a table.  You seat yourself and it’s a free for all.  Order from the bar and hang out.  The burger was pretty dope.  It is topped with a nice white cheese, grilled onions (a bit too many for me), some arugula (I think), and on a great bun.  They do it one way and that’s how you get it.  I accepted it and enjoyed it.  It wasn’t anything too special for me though.  It was top of the line but it ain’t going to win.  I give it a 7.  Give me some ketchup and some hot sauce and I would have made it taste even better.  The IPA was the shit though.  I forgot what type of beer I had because it was a month ago.  Sorry folks.  Just check it out.


Umami Burger – The Hatch and The Diablo

Now I have been listening to my pal Greg Alterman talk about this place for a year now.  It started to get so annoying that I was getting excited.  Weird right?  I got to tear this place up last week.  I texted Greg cuz he is the burger dude.  Kind of where I got this idea from.  I said where on the westside?  He said Umami at Fred Segal by the promenade.  Now I have attempted to do Umami twice already but have been in too much of a rush to wait out the hour to get a table.  I didn’t know there was one on the friggin’ Westside until now.  I was pumped.  He keeps telling me to get the Hatch.  It has a blend of four peppers and some white cheese on it.  While I was in the restaurant I heard from a secret source about a burger not on the list.  It was called the “Diablo”  DUDE!!!  That sounds right up my freakin’ alley.  I heard it had blue cheese and a Diablo sauce.  WTF is that?  Probably spicy.  Sweet!  I was with my lady friend so we got both burgers and split them.  They are little smaller than most but that says something to me.  We are Americans and eat way too much as it is.  This place is looking out for us.  Tator tots were bomb too.  Sorry Baby Blues, this place has you beat. 9.



A little dive bar at the end of Washington near the pier in Venice.  The best bar burger in town I hear.  Now by a bar I mean a bar.  This place is a great dive with hay on the floor and only serves beer and wine.  They have pool tables, TV’s, a horse-shoe bar, and a grill for cooking burgers.  Old school.  It comes with everything on it.  Mayo, mustard, relish, onion, tomato, pickle, cheese (your choice), and a bun.  Normal bun.  You can modify too.  I got no mustard but with the mayo.  I never do mayo.  For a bar burger, this was the shizzle.  I sopped the shit out of that thing.  You get a bag of chips with it too.  Random from Frito Lay.  I got Fritos and Mike got Doritos.  I was pissed at first cuz I wanted Doritos until I started to take bites simultaneously of Fritos and burger.  The shit!  OK, considering all things about this place helps up the points for sure.  But for an overall burger it gets a 7.  The band that started at 5pm got too loud and forced us to leave.  Had to get out of there anyway!  Dodgers were on resuming the 9 inning, 9 hour, rain delayed game from the day before.



proof there is room for a burger



my burger eating outfit


my style of eating

where can I find the next burger please?





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